Easter, Past

In 2010, Easter fell on my Laura's 7th birthday, April 4th. We had lost my husband to suicide less than 6 months prior, and my Dad had only been gone for 3 months. It was a difficult time, but life had to move forward. In March, I had just accepted an offer on the house we had lived in as a family. The house that my husband had taken his life in. We were staying in an apartment elsewhere, but we made plans for one last celebration in what had been our home. I know that sounds strange. But I was drawn to do it. I knew a higher power was guiding me in my choices, because I had asked for it. There is power in intention and prayer. Sometimes healing comes in small doses and in strange ways.

Laura wanted a Tiki themed birthday. She wanted to wear a bikini and grass skirt and have an Easter egg hunt in the yard. In April. In unpredictable Indiana. I warned her that she may be wearing a winter coat to hunt eggs and maybe even face bad enough weather to need to stay indoors. No matter to Laura. She insisted that it would all go her way. We invited some family and friends and I prepared for a cramped celebration indoors. On Easter day, April 4, 2010, the weather reached a high of 76. It was a beautiful, sunny, perfect weather day. It definitely felt even warmer than 76. It felt like summer and Laura (in her bikini and grass skirt) and her sister, cousins and friends hunted Easter eggs outdoors. The day had truly been a bright spot in a period of time that was so dark for my daughters and myself.

It was so difficult to plan a celebration in a house that held so much pain for us. More pain than I could ever express here. But it felt like the right thing to do. It felt like acknowledgement of the good times there. I felt my husband's spirit in that house. It was sad, and heavy, and full of regret and guilt. I felt we needed to fill it with one last good memory before releasing it to the next family. It didn't erase the past, but it was a step into the future. ~ Set your intentions. Say your earnest prayers. ~ Blessing on this Easter Sunday, 2020